G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra Review

Late I know, been taking the heat of the kitchen. But out of the fire, here’s my write up of Stephen “Sucking” Sommers’ adaptation.

Going into it with little to no expectation, the Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow scenes were the best part of the movie. Byung-hun Lee and Ray Park portray their characters well. Brandon Soo Hoo and Leo Howard as their childhood counterparts beating the snot out of each other in the flashbacks was a nice treat. Unlike most people, I thought Rachel Nichols played a decent Scarlett, particularly the moments where she disses Marlon Wayans.

The ending with Arnold Vosloo’s Zartan in The White House as the ultimate goal for Cobra was brillant, despite seeing that coming during the operation scene. The biggest problem the writers got wrong was the depiction of The Baroness as a damsel in distress from Dukes’ love life.

While Joseph Gordon-Levitt comes up with a distinctive delivery for Cobra Commander, the producers snubbed him by making him into a Darth Vader ripoff which is on the same level as Barakapool from Wolverine.

Channing Tatum in the lead brings nothing to it and Wayans as Ripcorde, while not being annoying like his other brothers that produce the most stupid comedies in Hollywood history, is still a distraction, especially with his fling with Scarlett was completely unnecessary. Who also manages to steal the climax, stopping the villains’ nanobot scheme. Would’ve prefered they stuck with her relationship with Snake Eyes from the source material. Dennis Quaid with no acting effort walks through the show as General Hawk which is a dame shame.

Despite the impressive CG of the character’s famous look, Christopher Eccleston’s crucial role as McCullen/Destro lays on the accent way too much in the film. One little nitpick, Snake Eyes should’ve been Asian, not American, it’s not like we saw him out of costume as an adult. While I’m glad the laser guns were included but the hover ships were too flamboyant. Entertaining yes, but not that good.

Rating: 5