What’s Pissing Adam Off This Week: Issue One

(God Dammit!)

Alright this is my first written angry rant so let’s see if I can yell in printed type. One thing that is pissing me off this week is the merger between Hasbro and Universal Pictures. After the huge success with Transformers they decided to merge. But what is really pissing me off is that there is a Monopoly movie in production. Yes! Fucking Monopoly. Ridley Scott’s production company has the rights to make the movie. Ridley Scott for fuck sake! How are you going to make a monopoly movie? Is it going to follow a Scottish terrier and a top hat around a square city block? Or is it going to follow the Jumanji and Zathura story lines only instead of Robin Williams fighting a lion in your living room and having a swarm of bats fly out your chimney repo men come to your house and take away your 52 inch flat screen, your dog, that antique rifle your great racist ancestor from the civil war left for future generations, and leave your family poor and distraught. Or more simply have some guy dressed like Paulie Walnuts from The Sopranos come and put screws through your thumbs.

While I’m on the subject of movies I need to vent my hate against Uwe Bowl. Anyone who knows me knows that there would be nothing better than to see that German douche bag be beaten with an extension cord and ass raped by a southern penitentiary inmate who has a soft spot for simple minded Krauts and a voice like Fog Horn Leg Horn. Bowl has strayed from his shitty existence of making video game movies, which ruin Ben Kingsley’s career, alerts Christian Slater’s parole officer, and destroys Tara Reid’s…never mind with that last one. But I digress. Bowl and his Aryan movie company have released a trailer for their Vietnam era movie “Tunnel Rats”. A movie that will no doubt have people having war like flash backs to the horrors of buying a ticket in the first place. Without a doubt this will be a steaming shit pile of a movie and cause Vietnam vets to throw down their necklace of ears and brown bag of cheap scotch and hunt down Bowl. I can only dream.

And finally the other thing that’s pissing me off this week is magazines. I was in the supermarket today and realized that the magazine market is slimmer than Fidel Castro’s chances of competing in an Iron Man tournament. Thank God his brother is taking over. I couldn’t stand seeing that laid off, strung out, malnourished mall Santa giving speeches anymore. But back to the news stands. It seems that every pop-culture magazine has the same things. Someone has a baby, somebody is cheating on somebody, or that Britney Spears has done something ridiculous this week. Britney Spears has already done all she can do. Short of staging a white supremacist rally in her backyard or selling meth she’s done it all. It actually pisses me off the most that she hasn’t killed herself yet. Britney Spears is on good course to become the next Dana Plato. It just shows that if you’re white trash and are rich you don’t have to go on Maury and fight over who gets to keep the kids. I think Paris Hilton said it best in the latest issue of InTouch magazine. “What does poor mean again?”

I’m Adam and thats what is pissing me off this week.